Snatched Edges Podcast - Episode 8 - My Baby Doesn't Have That Hawaiian Silky

This week is the 3rd in the Love series and I discuss how to take care of your child's hair

Episode overview

Full Episode transcript

Welcome back to the Snatched Edges podcast. I'm your host,  Ebuni. And this is where you learn all about how to have healthy hair, healthy scalps.....get rid of your hair loss, get rid of your scalp issues.... you know all of that.... all of that. How you guys been? What's going on..... February is just like mate what's going on January was slow as hell I know I said this last time but February's taking the p*** like 22nd already, I can't believe that the month is nearly nearly over. But anyways, we are on week three of the Little Love series.

And this week the focus was going to be on Children's hair and how to help parents with you know, looking after little baby's hair, it can be quite difficult. And then I came across a post, that was a little bit concerning. So I follow the Shade room like you know, millions of other people. And there was a post by Ne-Yo's wife, Ne-Yo the singer, the R&B singer. His wife's name is Crystal Smith. And so basically it's a picture of her son who's like, um, you know, a little toddler. And it says, "So my son wasn't blessed with mommy's Hawaiian silky as my sister likes to say, Can anyone suggest some good products or moisturisers? Nothing I've tried will help the dryness, his hair seems to soak everything up instantly. Comment below, if you've had this issue, Help!" And it kind of threw me a little bit, I thought was a bit weird.

Because, looking at the picture, this baby's hair is just fine. Like it doesn't look dry or anything. It's very, very short. But I'm guessing that they keep it quite low, he's a boy. So when I saw the comment about the Hawaiian silky, it made me think that this child is gonna have.... so many problems growing up.

Not having the same texture hair as his mum and her referring to it as you know, something other than, you know, less than perfection. Less .....less ideal, then her Hawaiian silky. Now that's not a word that she uses to describe herself, but it's something that her sister does. And even then, the influences are still very close. Do you see what I mean? Like... having someone around you... having an auntie that doesn't think that your hair texture is good, it's just.... 

But I really wanted to kind of brush that aside for now, because that is between them and their family, hopefully, you know, it was all in jest. And.... they'll learn from the backlash of the internet. But that's not the way you speak about a child's hair.But really address the issue of how to take care of your child's hair, because that is something parents all across the globe have problems with. 

So let's get straight into it. Caring for a child's hair, can seem like a difficult task. But it really doesn't have to be anything more than you know, having a few really good products and a simple regime to keep their hair healthy, as they grow.

And you know, setting them up. So they're able to take care of it themselves, when the time comes. What I really wanted to focus on today, with some of the things that I see parents doing that I think, you know, out of necessity they do, but don't really understand the implications of their actions. 

Now, when it comes to styling, I feel like until your child is maybe two or three years old, it really really should be as simple as possible. In fact, if you can let their hair just be free, and wild, that is the best thing for it. Like your child is growing, you need to kind of just let their hair kind of do what it wants at this stage, it really is. Children's hair is very delicate. And so it kind of just needs to be left alone for the most part, where it may not be aesthetically pleasing. But it really is the best thing for them. So definitely a no no for extensions, heat and chemicals. 

Now..... going back to my salon days, I remember I for a long time didn't really like doing relaxers. Now this is when I went natural about 10 years ago, and I was still working in salons where they were doing Chemical Services. And I did express that, I wasn't very comfortable doing them just because you know, it's not something that I necessarily believe in. Like, people have the choice to do what they want. But I just preferred to do natural styles. And I had to do a relaxer, due to like scheduling issues for a young girl. 

Who's probably about I want to say like..... nine years old now it wasn't her first relax, she was coming in for a retouch. And I did say to my manager at the time that look, I'll do it this once but you know, it doesn't make me feel very good, because she's so young. There's so many other styles that we could be doing with her. And if there's something that we can talk to the parents about how to manage their hair, because the parent was like "Look, my child's got a big full head of hair. And I just don't know how to take care of it and me relaxing their hair is like the easiest option."

So I can empathise and understand that, you know, if you're a parent with not a lot of time or not even experience or even the funds to visit a salon regularly or spend that time taking care of your child's hair. It can really limit your options but it doesn't have to.

So when I say no extensions.... I mean, when I see little children with like, you know, a forehead of Box braids, or Canerows, with like several packs of added hair, that's really unnecessary. I know it keeps the hair in for longer, but you're putting unnecessary tension. And what you do at a young age, can really affect them further down the line, you can cause a lot of damage that can be irreversible. For example, myself. 

I used to go to lovely Nigerian lady, when I was younger. And I still have the battle scars, from the hairstyles that she gave to me, I actually have the most jacked up hairline at the back of my head at the nape of my head. It looks like I don't even know what kind of graph to describe it as, but it's definitely peaks and troughs, up and down like a zigzag where the hair used to be pulled so tight that my head just doesn't grow in those areas anymore. Now I have like Venice hair, which is the peach fuzz kind of hair. But there's definitely like .....an M at the back of my hairline. 

Where some guys have it at the front, where their hairline is receding mine is receding the other way at the back. And it's something that I've just had to deal with. Because it was damaged done a really, really long time ago. But this is probably when I was like.... before I'd even left primary school. The styles were just too tight for my hairline. And you know, when you're young it's sit there, you have to take the pain, we think that is the normal way for your child to be crying during their hair services. And it really isn't. Some children are tender headed yes, some children exact..... exaggerate. They don't like having, their hair touched. But you have to kind of train them to be comfortable, with the services that you're doing to them. 

So it's about making them understand, you know why you do each thing. And really working with them, so that hair styling isn't a stressful or traumatic experience for them. Because I know a lot of.......a lot of people like you know, in their 20s and 30s, who still don't like letting people touch their hair just, because of the bad experiences they've had from childhood. 

And it really shouldn't be that way at all. Now there is........ if you go into any hair shop, there is an extensive range of Kiddie relaxers that claim to be more gentle. But at the end of the day, it's still a harsh chemical that you're putting on a child's head.

A child who hasn't fully developed yet. And to be honest, we don't know the long term effects of these relaxers apart from even when it needs to be applied for by a professional. So if you are having a relaxer done, I don't think that they should be sold  for the general public to consume .

Because I'm yet to find anybody, who's had an experience with relaxers.... doing them at home themselves. Who hasn't on one occasion, or more at least had chemical burns, had hair breakage, had really like you know adverse effects from using the relaxers at home.

Just because, even if they follow all the instructions, there's still a great, great chance that you will do something wrong and end up damaging your hair in some way, shape or form. And then with heat as well. So we all know the stories of sitting there with our parents in the kitchen with a hot comb on the stove. 

Getting our hair sizzled into straightness. Again, these are things that you know, we grew up doing. And at the time, you know, we have to just accept what our parents did to us. We didn't know any better at the time, but now that we do have more information, it really is about utilising what is out there.

And learning that some of these practices, that we have been doing for however long are not safe to do at home, and they're not the best for their hair in the long run. So definitely if your child is under four years old, stay away from that blow dryers if he can do definitely Straightening Irons, Chemicals... so Relaxers, Perms, and Keratin treatments. All those kind of things that seem to make the hair more manageable.

As they like to promote them, as like a texture or relaxer or something. However gentle or child friendly, they say they are. Don't believe the lies.... it is all a Marketing ploy. Because when you look at them side by side compared to like the adult versions, there's hardly any difference. They're just literally promoted to parents, as a ,,,,as a way to help. But they're definitely a hindrance, if you want your child to have healthy hair going forward.

Another thing that I found is that, a lot of the products as well aso apart from that the chemical one, a lot of products that are marketed towards parents to use for children's hair, actually contain a lot of chemicals that really are not healthy. Like most of..... most people don't have an understanding of you know, the main chemicals that are kind of you know, the harsh ones that we stay away from. But even in these ....... the kind of like Just for Me, the No More Tears, you know, the things that are promoted just for babies; they still contain a lot of synthetic chemicals.

That used over time, are not great for the skin or the scalp or the hair itself. So I would suggest that parents take a little bit of time, I know it can be tedious in the beginning. But once you start, trust me it gets so much easier. Staying away from Petroleum based products are....... really transforming a child's hair. So anything that says it has Petroleum, Paraffin, Wax, Mineral Oil is like the worst one. Like I know...... baby oil was basically just Mineral Oil. And if you think about what these are, these are just off-products, that byproducts from the Petroleum industry. So they are taking Crude Oil, they're taken out, they're like, you know, the......the Fuel and the Fighter Jet and the Tar that we use to make roads. 

And they're giving you a product and saying it's going to be healthy for your skin and hair. Yet, all the other things that are created from it, including plastics, and things like that are toxic. So how could they make something from it, that is healthy for you, like it doesn't make sense. And there's so many studies been done, where they'll say "No, it's safe, you can, you can use them without any side effects." But then, you know, 10, 20 years down the line, actually, there'll be studies coming out, saying like ......you know, long term use of Hydrocarbons or something is really unhealthy.

So, maybe get ahead of the curve and spend a little bit more spend or a little bit extra time researching the ingredients that are going into your products. Because the more you know, like information really can....... information is really key. The things that we put into our skin, it penetrates. It goes into our bloodstream, it has a lasting effect, it can change the chemistry of your body. So you want to make sure that you're using stuff that's going to promote health rather than promote disease, and other conditions in the long term. Or even in the short term.

So steps to create a healthy regime with your child. I feel like children are like mirrors they like to they like to imitate. So there's a...... there's actually a little girl that I follow on Instagram. Her name is Jade and it started off with like, you know, her mother and her just having like their little salon talks. Where Jade would be practising brushing her mom's hair, or pretending to style it. That's a real way to get your child involved, and really introduce them to a healthy haircare regime. Where, they practice on you. They play with you, they...you make it fun, it's interactive. They can.... kind of ask you questions, if they're old enough.

Or they get to see you know, what good practice is. As you model it on yourself. And on them. You make it like a fun thing. It's a.... it's a play activity rather than okay, you know, it's going to be trauma. We have to go wash our hair again, it's actually something that they enjoy doing. They look forward to. And a lot of the parents that I speak to, they bring their children to the salon or to have the experience of you know, getting pampered or even just understanding that, okay, yeah, today we're gonna wash our hair, or this is what happens.

This is why you need to do this. Really like you know, talk to your child, get them involved in it, they will enjoy it if they can see that ....you know, if you can make it into a game. If you can make it into a play activity. So first things first, get a good set of products as natural as possible. Sometimes the products that you're using yourself might be too heavy for children's hair. If you're worried about you know the products that you're using, if they're safe for children, definitely email the.... the Manufacturers or check out their website. I know so many that will say you know, not suitable for children under 12 years old or under four, or under six months. The information is all there. Make sure that you are being safe with your children's health. Because it may say that, it's natural, but it may have products that are maybe not suitable for children's skin.

Because they're still quite sensitive to certain ingredients. So definitely look out for that. And then in terms of styling, keep it really, really simple. It doesn't have to be anything you know, completely extravagant or like something that's wow. If you know that you've only got two weeks. If you know that you can do their hair every week, cool. Do a style that will last through it. If you know that every few days, their hair will get messy, then do something that lasts.

Make it appropriate for your lifestyle. And for theirs as well. If your child has a rough and tumble child, that's going to be out all over the place, maybe you don't want to have their hair out too much. Because it's likely to get more dirty, or it's likely to get tangled. Have their hair in a simple bun. I love that there's like a new age group of parents are using the internet to educate other parents as well.

Who are doing Instagram videos or YouTube videos where they show simple, simple, simple styles of them with their children. And none of them I don't see them crying, I see the children getting involved. I've even seen ones, where the children are making their own videos themselves. So definitely like you know, show your child that "Look this, this little girl or a little this little boy is sitting down to have their hair done. Do you know ….do like that style?"

Maybe get them to, to choose things that they like they're suitable for their hair type as well. Now I know that dryness or scalp issues can be actually quite rife with children as well. Because when they're first born, they...... even if they....... So when a child's first born, even if they have a head full of hair, maybe like three to six months, when they're three to six months old, they can experience a lot of hair loss, which is called Telogen Effluvium. Now, it basically just means like, you know, an excess amount of hair is being lost compared to usual.

Now that's because to put it quite simply, whenever there's like a change in hormones or the internal chemistry of your body; the external will reflect it, a couple months later. So when you see a change in your skin or your hair. Kind of go back and think, okay, maybe what happened like, you know, two to three months ago that could have caused this. So birth can create a big mix of...... a big influx of different chemical levels in the child's body, which will then cause a reaction and make the hair fall out. Now it's not something to worry about. It will..... it is self correcting. So you don't need to worry that oh, my God, my child's hair has fallen out. Now if it happens, after six months, maybe then it would be worthwhile going to see a Trichologist or your doctor and saying, " Look, you know, I'm not too sure why this is happening."

But even things like a fever, a change in diet can trigger Hair loss. And this is the same thing that will happen in adults as well. So even when a woman's pregnant, she will experience a lot of hair growth due to the hormone circulating. But a couple months postpartum, she will experience a lot of shedding, which is exactly the same condition Telogen Effluvium. 

Seborrheic Dermatitis can affect children as well. It is also known as cradle cap, and it occurs mainly on the scalp. You can get it on other folds on the skin as well. But usually you see in the scalp, and it's an oily condition. Where it kind of like...... is like a more intense form of Dandruff. Where, especially around the front hairline, you'll see like they're called scales. But it just looks like crust of skin. And you can soften it using like an Almond oil or Calendula oil for this. There are lots of treatments for this condition. And it really is something not to worry about at all. If you know, if you visit your doctor or pharmacy, they can definitely give you a tonne of creams and ointments. that will prevent an overproduction of oils or break down the scale so that they're not so, so visible on the skin. Now most of these conditions actually do go away with time, it's just something that a child will pass through. But if you notice anything from within like a month or a few weeks, definitely go again, visit your Trichologist or Doctor.

The big thing is for asking for help. Your..... your stylist, other parents, there's loads of forums online, like it's not something that you have to struggle with by yourself. Especially I find that......... I find that parents of interracial children usually struggle a bit more.

Because of like not knowing how to... to.... to manage the child's hair type. Or they're not sure how to braid. Or they are not sure about the styles and they want to do things differently. Ask for help. But there's people, there's so much information online. And if you're not really like you know, there's braiding classes where you can go and learn.

There's...... there's different forums, there's videos, as I said that we can watch for and for inspiration on styles. And really just make it a fun thing between you and your child.

It doesn't have to be anything, anything crazy. Again, if you're not a hairstylist, you can't be expected to have all the answers and know that okay, you know, what might look like dryness to you actually isn't dryness. It's just that 4C hair, or Afro hair tends to lack lustre. It doesn't look as shiny as other hair types. That's just the way it is. There are oils that you can use, there are creams that you can use to improve the condition of your hair. But really understanding, where you're starting from is the main key point. So in summary, this was just a quick one, I didn't really want to go too too too deep into this.

Because as I said, the initial post was a bit was a bit crazy....... it was a bit crazy the way the lady was like all you know, texture, discrimination and all that. But whatever your child's hair isn't the beginning, you know, if they're born completely bald. Or with a full head of hair, it doesn't determine what they will be like in the future. So I see so many children that like you know, you're looking at their baby pictures, or even when they're a couple of years old.

They might be as bald as a thumb looking like you know, an old man doesn't matter. Give them a little bit of time and their hair will blossom, it will bloom, it will really surprise you as well. So get to know your child's hair, it will change constantly. So another thing is that they may experience texture changes. So at the beginning, it's also common for children to have quite straight, quite loose curls. But then you can see it thicken up, you can see the coils tighten up as well.

Experience the whole journey, get to know it as it as it grows, find products that work for it. Something that may work, you know, between the ages one and two might not work when they're two or three or even older. Or you could go back and cycle around and think "Okay, that used to work, then maybe there's a little bit of a change now." 

Stay inspired. That's the main thing. You know, don't let it feel tedious to you that is a mountain of a task that you can't deal with. And really be mindful of how you speak about the head. So always try to build them up rather than..... rather than making comments like.....

So again, this is just a this is just a bit of encouragement to all my parents out there. That you know may have been struggling with their children's hair. Just seek help.... reach out to someone. If you don't know how to braid, but someone in your family does. There is no shame in going to them and saying "Look, I need..... I need help with my child. Hey, can you teach me how to braid or can you braid it for me?"

Listen, no one's gonna look at you any kind of way. But then if you see a child with their hair out, don't be like oh their hairs unkept. Like I know when........ to take it back to Beyoncé, we're Blue Ivy was little. Everyone was saying, "Oh, you know she needs to comb her hair, she needs to do this and that and the other with it". But she did the best thing for it. And now you can see that Blue Ivy's hair is flourishing.

When you leave your child's hair alone, it is going to grow. As long as you have like a healthy routine, you know, as I said, using the correct products that are gentle on their hair, and minimal styling, like low manipulation. If you can't like..... I wouldn't really suggest wearing anything tight around a child's hair. So wearing a Bonnet or anything.

Because children aren't able to regulate their body temperature. So having a bonnet on a night time, might actually cause problems where they're not able to, you know, take it off or sweat.  Might cause them to overheat. Get them a Silk pillowcase or a Satin pillowcase in their....in their crib or in their bed that will protect their hair amply. While they are young, you don't need to......they don't need the same kind of rigorous hair care routine as an adult does, until they're old enough

So yeah, basically leave your baby's hair alone. Don't do too much. Doesn't have to be crazy...... doesn't have to have beads in it. You don't need to be putting butt length Extensions or Crochet.

Simple styles, easy styles, make them cute, make them fun. By all means, have accessories in there. But just make sure that you know they are gentle enough and age appropriate is what I wanted to say. Nice and easy yeah....

If you have any questions on how to look after your children's hair, my DMs on Instagram are open. My email address is Info@ebuniajiduah.com

Find a Stylist in your area, who specifically works with children's hair. I know that a lot of stylists, shy away from it. I personally do not like doing children's hair very often. It's just a personal preference. It's not that I can't do it. I just I don't know, I like working with adults. I've done my time with children. I like to leave them alone now. But yeah, find someone who..... who, whose passion is for children's hair. And you can see that, you know, look at the the styles that they have of children in their salon. Or wherever, it is that they work.

See what kind of styles that they do. If something....... if it's something you feel comfortable with. Definitely shout them. Grab a quick consultation, take your child to meet them, which is really important as well. And get tips from them, find out what it is that they use. Remember, don't let anybody put something in your head that they haven't told you. Make sure you know what is going on yours and your child's scalps.

But yeah, I think for next week for the last episode in this little Love segment for February. I want to do a Q&A. Yeah. So send me questions, anything that's been pressing on you. That you know you need a little bit of help with or something from that the past episodes. Where you are like, "Oh, can you explain that a little bit more?" Or you need a specific question about your hair?

Send me a picture or send me a question. Send me a DM, send me I don't know... a Carrier Pigeon. However, you want to get in touch, make sure that you do. Because I'll be happy to help you. But yeah, let me leave it there. You guys, enjoy the rest of your Fastly Fastly. Is that a word? Quickly Fade in February. And I will see you next week. All right, then. Take care guys. Bye